I’m not asking for men to throw their coats on the ground for me to walk on. The majority of men who practice chivalry don’t think females are inferior or weak - on the contrary, they want to show their respect for women.Īn important reoccurring attitude in my research was that opening doors for women is more about being nice to people in general than anything else. As students, we listen and follow the instructions out of respect for our professors. We give preferential seating to pregnant women, the elderly and those with disabilities. We open and hold doors for the elderly, along with anyone who might need help. We address superiors with appropriate titles. Of treating others with respect and courtesy, sophomore Nate Dobbels said, “I expect it of myself.” There are just some things that people should do out of consideration for others. However, today chivalry is more about courtesy and respect than gender-specific treatment. Some might argue that chivalry works against those advances. Certainly, women have made important advances and have many more to make. There are clearly some gender issues at play when it comes to chivalry. Interesting - maybe the 53-percent group from the male survey should meet this group of women! The answers of the remaining group were a mixture of various forms of “sometimes.” When asked how they feel when a man opens a door for them, the most common answers were “surprised,” “appreciated,” “good” and “honored.” The exception was a young woman who decided that it depends on how much she’s carrying at the time. I also surveyed 15 female students, 60 percent of whom that men don’t often hold doors for them.
In terms of learning by example, the most common influences were grandparents and other elderly relatives. Twenty-seven percent responded “most of the time” or “if I’m thinking about it,” and 20 percent responded with a firm “always.” Most of these men were told to open doors for women by their mothers.
Of the men I spoke with, 53 percent said “yes” when asked if they opened doors for women. Then I spoke with 15 male students and found that the concept of chivalry is not dead. It’s a subtle gesture, and it doesn’t imply that I can’t do it myself it’s simply an extra effort that is very much appreciated.Īt first I thought this young man was part of a dying breed.
Anytime we walk together, not only does he open the door for me, he even picks up his pace to make sure he gets there just before I do. I was struck particularly by a gentleman on my floor. Freshman Josh Peterson said, “In the instances when I don’t grab the door, it always runs through my head, ‘Does she think I’m a jerk? Should I have just opened it?’ Always.”Īway from high school, I have learned that there are considerate men who open doors for women - not because they feel obligated to, but because it’s a nice thing to do. Surveying students here at Iowa State, I’ve discovered that I’m not the only one over-thinking things during the crucial moment when the door is reached. I never thought less of a guy because he didn’t open my door - but every time we walked into a building or got in the car, I couldn’t help but wonder - if he thought more highly of me, would he open my door? Excluding three proms for which my dresses wouldn’t allow me to get in and out of the car without help, every date throughout high school involved me opening my own doors. I tried to explain that guys don’t do that anymore, but she insisted that someone with manners would. Somewhere along the way chivalry was lost, and I want to know where it went.Īs soon as I was in high school and old enough to go on dates - real dates, where the boy picks you up, not middle school dates where your parents drop you off and you meet at the movies - my mom told me to always let the man open my door for me. Yet this courtesy isn’t quite so common anymore. Chivalry wasn’t an idealistic concept, it was common courtesy. They were taught alongside “please” and “thank you,” to the point that most people thought nothing of them. Our grandparents grew up with these expectations, and they were passed on to some of our parents. Gentlemen stood when a lady entered the room on a sidewalk, a gentleman walked on the side closest to the street to shield the lady from passing traffic when approaching a door, there was no question - gentlemen opened doors for ladies. Hundreds of years later, chivalry came to represent men who acted courteously toward women. Yes, these men were knights, and this was centuries ago, but their practices are not irrelevant.
Once upon a time gentlemen strove to live nobly in accordance with an unwritten code of chivalry that encouraged honor, courtesy and gallantry toward women.
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